do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
