i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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