there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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