She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
