I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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