Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
