Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
