NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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