I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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