Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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