I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
