am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
