She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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