I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
