the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
