i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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