dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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