Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
