I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
