I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
