I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
why is half of my head shaved?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
