I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
