speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
