An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
