I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
