yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i think i have herpe
just one?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
