The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
