wrigley field is MILF paradise
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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