drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
