I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
