chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
