why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my being single is dangerous.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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