A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
