I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize