I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
