just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
