Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
