4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
there is glitter all over my balls
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