dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
