I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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