I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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