So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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