The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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