Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
