I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
