He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
