I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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