My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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