Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think weed is turning my hair brown
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
