I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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