So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
