So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
