Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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