i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When are your genitals available?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
