You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
