Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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