THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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