Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
